Faster than a DC Bullet: All-New All-Different DC, Part XIII: Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer

Comic trade paperback, 158 pages
Published 2008 (contents: 2007-08)
Borrowed from the library
Read March 2017

Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer

Writers: Ron Marz, Sean McKeever, Peter Johnson, Matt Cherniss, Brian Augustyn, Alan Burnett, Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti

Pencillers: Angel Unzueta, Jamal Igle, Kelley Jones, Eric Battle, Greg Tocchini, Travel Foreman, Kalman Andrasofszky, Jeremy Haun, David Hahn, David Baldeón
Inkers: Oliver Nome, Richard Friend, Saleem Crawford, Trevor Scott, Rob Hunter, Kelley Jones, Derek Fridolfs, Vicente Cifuentes, Jonathan Glapion, Jesse Delperdang, Paul Neary, Lorenzo Ruggiero, Kalman Andrasofszky, Norm Rapmund, Álvaro López, Rick Ketcham, David Hahn, Steve Bird
Colorists: Allen Passalaqua, John Kalisz, Mark Chiarello, Art Lyon, Rod Reis, Pete Pantazis, Kanila Tripp
Letterers: John J. Hill, Steve Wands, Travis Lanham

I read this because I thought that it would tie-in to The All New Atom in some way. I still assume it does, because the next volume of The All New Atom is called The Hunt For Ray Palmer!, but "all-new Atom" Ryan Choi does not put in an appearance here. Instead, this volume follows the so-called "Challengers from Beyond" from Countdown to Final Crisis, expanding on their multiverse-hopping search for the original Atom, Ray Palmer, covered in volumes two and three of that series. Honestly, though I know it would have inflated that series to five volumes, and no one out there wanted more of Countdown to Final Crisis, DC should have included these issues with those ones somehow, because they don't stand on their own in any way.

I will never ever care about Monarch, DC, no matter how hard you try.
from Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer: Wildstorm #1 (script by Ron Marz, art by Angel Unzueta and Oliver Nome & Richard Friend & Saleem Crawford & Trevor Scott)

The various issues collected here mostly show visits by the Challengers from Beyond to different worlds in the multiverse while they look for Ray Palmer, giving us extra adventures that went unseen in the main Countdown to Final Crisis series. As such, there's no real set-up (just a text page to recap salient points from the main series) and no resolution beyond an ad for Countdown to Final Crisis, Volume Three. And some parts are just confusing; for example, the Jokester from Earth-Three joins the Challengers at the end of one issue, but is nowhere to be seen in the next; that's because Countdown #30-22* took place between these two issues, and the Jokester died in #29, but there's no indication whatsoever of that here. And obviously I read Countdown to Final Crisis, but so long ago that I didn't remember this. C'mon, DC, at least try to make your collections readable. (Thanks to Cosmic Teams for being the only people on the whole Internet invested enough in Countdown to write an issue-by-issue timeline for it. Most of The Search for Ray Palmer occurs between issues #22 and 21 of Countdown, so during the middle of volume three.)

Faster than a DC Bullet: Prose Fiction #10: Project Crisis!, Part LII: Countdown [novelization]

I keep trying to catch up on audio drama reviews and not entirely succeeding, but here's a review of The Avengers: The Lost Episodes, Volume 5 at Unreality SF. Meanwhile, I'm switching gears away from Final Crisis, but on the way I'm stopping to read another prose tie-in:

Trade paperback, 321 pages
Published 2009
Borrowed from the library
Read September 2015

Countdown by Greg Cox

Cox's novelization of 52 was not as good as the comic series on which it was based, but his novelization of Countdown is better. Mostly, this is down to the quality of their respective source materials: 52 was a good comic, and one of the things that made it good was its huge span, in terms of both time and characters, which was hard to pare down for a 300-page novel in a way that kept the story effective. One of the many things that made Countdown to Final Crisis bad was its aimlessness, its repetitiveness, its plot-lines that went nowhere, or issues that served only to repeat the content of previous issues. Judicious cutting could only make it better, not worse.

So, tons of the original comic is gone here, to good effect. First off, two whole plot-lines are just removed: there's no Karate Kid and Una search for a cure to the OMAC virus, and there's no Pied Piper and Trickster on the run for the murder of the Bart Allen Flash. These were probably the worst of the various threads of Countdown, so no loss there. This leaves four primary plot-lines: Holly Robinson and Harley Quinn among the Amazons, Mary Marvel trying to tame the power of Black Adam, Donna Troy and Jason Todd searching for Ray Palmer, and Jimmy Olsen investigating the death of the New Gods. These plot-lines still aren't great, but they are better, because Cox deletes a lot of terribleness. There's no tie-ins to wider DC universe events, like Amazons Attack! or the death of Bart Allen. Donna and Jason only visit a couple parallel Earths, and never encounter Monarch. There are no cutaways to the incoherent meetings of the Monitors. Jimmy Olsen doesn't learn ten times over that his powers only activate in situations of danger. OMAC doesn't eat Apokolips. Earth-51 isn't destroyed even once, much less twice.

Cox manages to give everything some focus: instead of being hunted by Donna and Jason because of something something morticoccus virus, Ray is seemingly recruited because he's needed to save Jimmy in the final battle against Darkseid. The whole book becomes about driving to that moment, to stop Darkseid from acquiring all the powers of the Gods and controlling the imminent Fifth World. (I'll be curious to see if Cox's novelization of Final Crisis makes any explicit links to the events of Countdown.)

If this all seems like damning with faint praise, well, it is. There's still no substance here. Mary Marvel still behaves stupidly for no apparent reason. Jimmy Olsen's romance with Forager is still pointless. Jason and Donna still stand around for most of the book. I did kind of like the Holly/Harley plot, but it's not much to write home about, either. How have they changed as people? Have we even learned anything about them? These aren't characters, they're ciphers being pushed around by a pointless plot.

It does read quickly, though.

Proposed Countdown novelization drinking game: drink every time a main character meets someone and thinks to themselves, 'I thought [x] was dead, but I guess I heard wrong/I saw wrong/they got better.'

Next Week: I return to the early days of Batman in Project Gotham!

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Crisis!, Part XLII: Countdown Presents: Lord Havok and the Extremists

Comic trade paperback, n.pag.
Published 2008 (contents: 2007-08) 
Borrowed from the library
Read June 2015

Countdown Presents: Lord Havok and the Extremists

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Writer: Frank Tieri

Pencillers: Liam Sharp, Mark Robinson
Inkers: Liam Sharp, Rob Hunter, Mark McKenna, Mark Irwin, Mark Pennington, Sandu Florea
Colorists: Dave Baron, Kanila Tripp
Letterers: Pat Brosseau, John J. Hill, Rob Leigh, Steve Wands, Travis Lanham

So, I am as big a fan of Justice League Europe as you'll find. Years before I really got into comics collecting, I had complete runs of three series: Alpha Flight, Star Trek: Early Voyages, and Justice League Europe. Yeah, I have weird tastes. I was drawn to its seeming absurdity of premise (the Justice League... in Europe!), but I stayed because I loved the characters, especially Elongated Man, who remains a favorite to this day.

All this to say, is that I think the Extemists are dumb and probably the worse part of JLE. I think they appeared twice (in the storylines The Extremist Vector and Breakdowns), and as pompously serious dark and gritty genocidal villains, they were a complete mismatch for the fun tone of JLE. JLE could get serious when it needed to, but this was not the way to do it. Maybe they were intended as a commentary on the excesses of 1990s gritty comics, but then the commentary did not land. If as a hardcore fan of JLE, I don't give a crap about the Extremists... then who does?

Despite that, DC brought them back for Countdown to Final Crisis and even devoted a six-issue miniseries to their backstory! I can't fathom why. Countdown to Final Crisis is inexplicable enough; why does it have two six-issue miniseries that tie into it? Why would you pay money for this? What artistic purpose does this book serve? I don't mean "artistic" in a high-faluting way, I mean, "Why would anyone enjoy reading this?"

Answer: no one would. This is another Final Crisis tie-in that isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

Next Week: The suffering is over-- or is it? Either way, we've reached the end of the Countdown and it's time for the Final Crisis!

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Crisis!, Part XLI: Countdown to Final Crisis: 12...11...10...09...08...07...06...05...04...03...02...01...00...

Comic trade paperback, 271 pages
Published 2008 (contents: 2008) 
Borrowed from the library
Read May 2015

Countdown to Final Crisis: 12...11...10...09...08...07...06...05...04...03...02...01...00...

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Writers: Paul Dini, Justin Gray, Jimmy Palmiotti, Adam Beechen, Sean McKeever
Story Consultant: Keith Giffen

Pencillers: Jesus Saiz, Tom Derenick, Mike Norton, Scott Kolins, Carlos Magno, Jim Starlin, Jamal Igle, Freddie Williams II
Inkers: Jimmy Palmiotti, Scott Kolins, Freddie Williams II, Mark McKenna, Wayne Faucher, Rod Ramos, Keith Champagne
Letterers: Ken Lopez, Travis Lanham, Steve Wands
Colorist: Pete Pantazis

Do you remember when Earth-51 was destroyed in volume three of Countdown to Final Crisis? Well, apparently none of the writers or characters in volume four do, because here it's destroyed all over again! I think because the account of its destruction in volume three was inconsistent with that of its destruction in Final Crisis, they rolled the events back and did it all over again to make it match up with the account that was given in Final Crisis. Sloppy plotting at its finest!

Other things that don't matter:

• Harley Quinn and Holly Robinson are given superpowers by the Amazonian gods. No one cares!
• Mary Marvel is arbitrarily given her powers back. Then she loses them. Then she turns evil again. Then she's fine. What is the point of all this? I have absolutely no idea. This character has essentially been brainwashed off-and-on for 52 issues. What on Earth could even be interesting about that? We haven't learned a thing about Mary as a character. No one cares!
• Various members of the Legion of Super-Heroes are killed off. No one cares!
• The cover of issue #4 is a close-up on Mary Marvel's giant boobs. No one cares!
• Darkseid and Orion have a final showdown. Again. No one cares!
• The Challengers from Beyond (that utterly dull group of characters including Jason Todd, Donna Troy, and some others I don't even remember) tell the Monitors that they'll be monitoring them. You can expect this to literally never be followed up on despite the fact that it really ought to impact Final Crisis because... No one cares!

Really, the only joy you can take in Countdown to Final Crisis at this point is mocking it. It's astounding that talented people like Paul Dini, Keith Giffen, and Jim Starlin got together and produced 1,159 pages of sheer worthlessness. But at least it was always fast-paced, I guess?

Next Week: More stuff no one could ever care about! Lord Havok and the Extremists!

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Crisis!, Part XXXIX: Countdown to Final Crisis: 25...24...23...22...21...20...19...18...17...16...15...14...13...

My wife and I spent December and January rewatching the E-Space trilogy, a classic 1980-81 run of Doctor Who stories. Not exactly coincidentally, I have a review up at Unreality SF of Big Finish's audio sequel, the New E-Space Trilogy. It was interesting to experience the two trilogies in close proximity: it diminished my enjoyment of some of the audio stories, and enhanced that of others! (Something I forgot to mention in my review: I like how 35 years after it was mentioned for the first and last time in State of Decay, Jonathan Morris finally provided an explanation for what "The Wasting" was in The Entropy Plague!)

Comic trade paperback, 294 pages
Published 2008 (contents: 2007-08) 
Borrowed from the library
Read May 2015

Countdown to Final Crisis: 25...24...23...22...21...20...19...18...17...16...15...14...13...

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Writers: Paul Dini, Adam Beechen, Justin Gray, Jimmy Palmiotti, Tony Bedard, Sean McKeever
Story Consultant: Keith Giffen

Pencillers: Ron Lim, Tom Derenick, Carlos Magno, Jamal Igle, Howard Porter, Jesus Saiz, Scott Kolins, Pete Woods
Inkers: Jimmy Palmiotti, Scott Kolins, Pete Woods, John Stanisci, Wayne Faucher, Rod Ramos, Mark McKenna, Art Thibert
Letterers: Travis Lanham, Rob Leigh, Ken Lopez, Jared K. Fletcher, Steve Wands
Colorists: Pete Pantazis, Tom Chu

Because I got horrendously behind, I've been writing this stretch of reviews (from July 2015's 52 Omnibus to March 2016's Final Crisis: Revelations) without reference to the actual books, months after I read them. (Ten months in this case!) I'm finding that many of the details of Countdown to Final Crisis have faded into oblivion, even when I read synopses of the stories in the Grand Comics Database, I kind of wonder if these events really happened in something I read. All I really remember is a massive sense of disappointment and futility. But here are a couple notes:

• Superboy-Prime, now Superman-Prime, is in it. That pretty much never works to the advantage of a story, as he is a worse villain than even Monarch and Mongul.
• Pied Piper having to drag around the Trickster's body is actually kind of effective. Of course, it might have been emotionally devastating if these two had been written in a way at all interesting prior to this.
• The cover to issue #18 (by Karl Kerschl) is actually, genuinely great.
• Earth-51 is destroyed and everyone on it dies. You should remember this, because the writers didn't.
• Jesus Christ, who gives a crap about Monarch? Armageddon 2001 was seventeen years ago, DC. Let it go.

Next Week: There came a time when the New Gods died! It was in a trade paperback called The Death of the New Gods!

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Crisis!, Part XXXVIII: Countdown: Arena

Comic trade paperback, n.pag.
Published 2008 (contents: 2008)
Borrowed from the library
Read May 2015

Countdown: Arena

Writer: Keith Champagne

Penciller: Scott McDaniel
Inker: Andy Owens
Colorist: Guy Major
Letterers: Nick J. Napolitano, John J. Hill

On paper, this seems like it could be a good book: the heroes of various worlds in the multiverse are gathered together to fight it out. Like, Communist Superman from Red Son battles two other alternate Supermen to find out which one is best. But Monarch is in this, and he is terrible, and so is the whole book. Poorly characterized nonentities hit each other and "banter" in the trademark detail-free, ugly drawing style of Scott McDaniel. Save your money, save yourself, never read this book, it has literally no redeeming value. I can't think of a single thing I enjoyed about it; it's pointless and stupid. Thankfully time seems to be dulling my memories of it.

Next Week: Back to the main event in volume 3 of Countdown to Final Crisis!

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Crisis!, Part XXXVI: Countdown to Final Crisis: 38...37...36...35...34...33...32...31...30...29...28...27...26...

Comic trade paperback, 294 pages
Published 2008 (contents: 2007) 
Borrowed from the library
Read March 2015

Countdown to Final Crisis: 38...37...36...35...34...33...32...31...30...29...28...27...26...

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Writers: Paul Dini, Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti, Adam Beechen, Tony Bedard, Sean McKeever
Story Consultant: Keith Giffen

Pencillers: Jesus Saiz, David Lopez, Mike Norton, Jim Calafiore, Manuel Garcia, Carlos Magno, Al Barrionuevo
Inkers: Jimmy Palmiotti, Don Hillsman, Rod Ramos, Jack Purcell, Mark McKenna, Jay Leisten, Art Thibert
Letterers: Jared K. Fletcher, Ken Lopez, Travis Lanham
Colorists: Tom Chu, Alex Bleyaert, Pete Pantazis, Rod Reis

Forget anything nice I said about Volume One, because as soon as you have time to think about it, Countdown to Final Crisis is terrible. In this volume:

• Jimmy Olsen learns that his powers only activate when he's in danger for the fourth or fifth time.
• Mary Marvel acts like a spoiled brat; upon learning she's gone evil, Zatanna's reaction is to shrug her shoulders and do nothing about it.
• All sorts of terrible and uninteresting and incomprehensible stuff happens revolving around whether or not Jason Todd is evil, whether or not the Monitors are evil, whether or not you can tell the Monitors apart, whether or not anyone cares abut Monarch (stop trying to make Monarch happen, DC), whether or not Donna Troy has a personality, whether or not anyone has ever cared about Lord Havok and the Extremists, and it's just painful and dull through and through.
• Mary Marvel is duped by Klarion the Witch-Boy like a rank amateur. Grant Morrison reinvents a character for you, DC, and the only thing you can think to do with him is put him in Countdown!?
• The story ties into The Battle for Blüdhaven, I can only assume because God hates us. (Jack Kirby's Buddy Blank of OMAC fame is living under Blüdhaven.)
• Karate Kid is sick for some reason. 
• Jimmy Olsen and a bug-woman fall in love with each other, seemingly just because she's hot. No one ever explains what she might see in him.

I'll admit I did kind of like Supergirl and Stargirl trying to get into Black Canary's bachelorette party.

At least we're halfway through!

Next Week: We take a break from the countdown to find out what Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters are up to in Brave New World!

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Crisis!, Part XXXV: Countdown to Final Crisis: 51...50...49...48...47...46...45...44...43...42...41...40...39...

A little belated, but up at USF I've got a review of the Doctor Who: Short Trips Monthly reading Foreshadowing, featuring my favorites, the Eighth Doctor and Charley.

Comic trade paperback, 295 pages
Published 2008 (contents: 2007) 
Borrowed from the library
Read March 2015

Countdown to Final Crisis: 51...50...49...48...47...46...45...44...43...42...41...40...39...*

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Writers: Paul Dini, Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray, Tony Bedard, Adam Beechen, Sean McKeever
Story Consultant: Keith Giffen

Pencillers: Jesus Saiz, Jim Calfiore, Carlos Magno, David Lopez, Tom Derenick, Manual Garcia, Dennis Calero
Inkers: Jimmy Palmiotti, Dennis Calero, Mark McKenna, Jay Leisten, Don Hillsman, Alvaro Lopez, Andre Pepoy, Jack Purcell, John Stanisci
Letterers: Travis Lanham, Pat Brosseau, Jared K. Fletcher, Rob Leigh, Phil Balsman, Ken Lopez
Colorists: Tom Chu, Rod Reis, Guy Major, Pete Pantazis

And so begins the long run to Final Crisis, with the beginning of a miniseries disowned seemingly by everyone involved. In retrospect, this had pretty much nothing at all to do with Final Crisis, or less than nothing, even. But it begins with us following a number of parallel plotlines: two of the Rogues on the run for murdering (or not murdering, it's very unclear) Bart Allen, the fourth (I think) Flash; Jason Todd and Donna Troy being recruited to scour the multiverse (recently revealed to exist, or perhaps re-exist, in 52); Holly Robinson, friend of Catwoman (and former Catwoman herself) joining the Amazons along with a reformed Harley Quinn; Jimmy Olsen investigating the deaths of the New Gods; Darkseid is playing with action figures; and Karate Kid and Una (who used to be Duo Damsel who used to be Triplicate Girl) of the Legion of Super-Heroes traveling the 21st century in search of... something.

Despite also being a weekly series of 52 issues, this is pretty different from 52 in one key way. While each issue of 52 corresponded to a week, this series has no such chronological restriction; each issue covers a short span of time, and is pretty much picked up right after in the next one. This gives Countdown to Final Crisis a certain energy that actually made it a pretty enjoyable read, as each issue is a series of crazy events that throws you right into the next issue's series of crazy events, with no time to reflect on what's going on.

Which is good, because what's going on doesn't always make a lot of sense. Countdown weaves in and out of some other comics (most notably, I think, The Lightning Saga, Amazons Attack, and the death of Bart Allen), none of which I've actually read. Sometimes you can follow it, but sometimes you can't at all-- though I gather from reading on-line that the links to The Lightning Saga with Karate Kid were incoherent even to people who'd read both. Why is Karate Kid on a quest? How did he get sick? None of these things that seem like they are important to this story are actually explained in it; I finally figured it out by reading the character description in volume two!

And then there are the incoherences within the series, like the fact that none of the writers and artists seem to be on the same page about many of the details of the Rogue plotline, where things such as their powers, appearances, and plight fluctuate between each issue collected here. And I think Jimmy Olsen does the same thing essentially three times!

But it's all so fast, the book almost gets away with it... for now. I'll admit I had fun reading this, and didn't think it was quite as bad as the world made it out to be.

Yes, that's damning with faint praise.

Next Week: More counting down in the second volume of Countdown to Final Crisis!

* The cover, and much of the Internet, claims that this book is called Countdown to Final Crisis, Volume One, but if I've learned anything from graduate school, it's how to read a title page, and this is clearly what the title page says, as cumbersome as it might be!