Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #10: Superman Batman: Public Enemies

Comic trade paperback, n.pag.
Published 2005 (contents: 2003-04)
Borrowed from a friend
Read July 2009

Superman Batman: Public Enemies

Writes*: Jeph Loeb

Pencils: Ed McGuinness
Inkers: Dexter Vines
Colors: Dave Stewart
Letters: Richard Starkings
Prologue Art and Colors: Tim Sale with Mark Chiarello

DC Universe Timeline: Two Years Ago
Real World Timeline: Fall 2003

(Luthor's president, but hasn't yet served a full term, so this must be before 2004, as he was elected in 2000. In that case, the publication date of issue #1 of this series is as good as anything else. He doesn't seem to be gearing up for reelection, though, so perhaps it occurs even earlier? The last six years of DC continuity have to squeeze into two years, which seems a bit of a tight fit, especially when you consider that the events of 52 occupy an entire year of that by definition! No doubt DC will retcon it to being called 26 soon enough.)

Incidentally, last month was the one-year anniversary of Faster than a DC Bullet, a fact which went distressingly unnoticed by myself. I kicked off with Superman: Birthright, but a week after that, I reviewed Superman For All Seasons, one of the best Superman stories I have ever read. Three months after that came Batman: The Long Halloween, a very good Batman story. Both of these stories were penned by Jeph Loeb, so it makes sense that a storyline uniting the two would also be his work. After all, he has to have a good grasp of the characters.

And he does. His Superman is an optimistic, stand-up guy while his Batman is a brooding pessimist. The problem he runs into, though, is the need to continually set them up as perfect opposites of one another, especially via cute narration boxes where they're always thinking parallel but different thoughts. This results in both characters being somewhat uncharacteristically exaggerated-- his Superman is a little too much of a brute-force guy sometimes, and his Batman is pretty joyless.

Mostly I think I just quickly got aggravated by the alternating narration boxes, though; outside of these, his characterization is fine, and usually it's very good. I particularly liked the fact that Clark Kent got to show off his investigative journalism skills. Also excellent is the sequence where Superman has been shot by a kryptonite bullet, and Batman much take him back to safety (fortunately for them, the cave they are in connects to the Batcave). It showcases the strength of both men well: Batman's fantastic ability to think of his feet, where he blows a hole in a wall, shielding himself from the blast by standing on the other side of an ailing Superman, as well as Superman's sheer determination, as he continues to do what has to be done even though he's minutes from death.

Unfortunately, the characterization for the rest of the characters is not so great. Indeed, the characterization for other versions of the same characters is not so great; a future Superman comes back in time to stop a disaster from transpiring. Mostly this is an artificial attempt to heighten the jeopardy our characters are in, as it contributes very little to the story, but it's made worse by the fact that future-Superman is an idiot. For some reason, he thinks the best solution is to murder his previous self as well as Batman as soon as he shows up, which seems like it would cause more problems than it would solve, given the role they play in resolving the situation. Why not sit the two of them down and say, "You need to do x, but not y, as that will result in the destruction of the Earth"? It's a clumsy way to shoehorn a Superman/Superman fight and a Superman/Batman fight into the narrative. Also, why in a postapocalyptic future did Superman take the time to change his outfit to the Kingdom Come version? Nothing better to do after seeing the human race wiped out? Loeb's characterizations of the other supporting heroes is similarly clumsy; to make Superman and Batman look better, they're all written as brutes. Captain Atom is a particular offender in this regard; he feels nothing like the character I remember from Justice League Europe.

The biggest offender is this regard is Lex Luthor, which is surprising, as Loeb wrote an absolutely fantastic Luthor in Superman For All Seasons. This Luthor, however, is nothing more than a ranting maniac whose plan makes very little sense. He tells the world that Superman is responsible for the kryptonite asteroid heading towards the Earth, but never tells anyone why they should believe this. Fortunately for him, everyone just goes along with it. When he can't find Superman and Batman anywhere, he announces that they've been captured, causing a cadre of heroes to break into the White House to liberate them (because of course that's where you'd imprison two of the most dangerous men on the entire planet), so that when they show up, Luthor can ask them where Superman and Batman are. Um, hello? If Nightwing knew where Superman and Batman were, he wouldn't have fallen for your trick, would he? In the end of the story, Luthor abandons all signs of intelligence or reason, puts on a battlesuit, and starts beating up on people left, right, and center. Why? Who knows? The problem here is that Luthor keeps on doing things seemingly just because he's a villain. Why would he want an kryptonite asteroid to destroy the Earth? It doesn't help him in any conceivable way (he lives on the Earth after all); it's just something EVIL for him to do. I've always liked the idea of Lex Luthor as President of the United States (the election arc in Justice League Unlimited was fabulous), but I've never actually read any of the "President Lex" tales before. If this is the kind of terrible use that was made of that idea, I'm glad I haven't.

The other big logic problem here is in the resolution of the story-- it absolutely comes out of nowhere. All of a sudden Batman and Superman are talking about having to get to "the boy". He turns out to be the Toyman's son (the Toyboy? the Boytoy?), who has built a charmingly bizarre rocket that looks like Superman melded with Batman, which can blow up the asteroid by punching it real hard. When did they set this up while being chased by various supervillains and then Captain Atom's forces? And why does Power Girl need to distract the boy, aside from providing an opportunity for a joke about her prominent boobs? How did Superman and Batman escape from the custody of Captain Atom and Hawkman and steal their outfits when they were unconscious? It's a great moment when the two of them turn up in disguise, but as soon as you think about it, it makes no sense. (The narration box implies that Hawkman and Captain Marvel were distracted by the news that Luthor has captured Superman and Batman, which is really really dumb.) What the heck is even going on here?

Loeb's cartoony, exaggerated writing is perfectly complemented by Ed McGuinness's cartoony, exaggerated artwork. Except that McGuinness's artwork is cartoony and exaggerated in a good way. Superman and Batman look fantastic, and his rendition of all the other characters is spot-on as well. It's a clean look, and McGuinness rarely fails with even the most complex and crowded of battle scenes; we always know exactly what is happening. Looking at the pictures is probably the best part of this thing.

Apparently, Public Enemies has been chosen as the source material for one of the upcoming direct-to-DVD DC cartoons. I can see why-- it looks great here, and I imagine it'll look great in motion, too. But hopefully the vocal performances of Kevin Conroy, Tim Daly, and especially Clancy Brown can give the story a credibility and logic it utterly lacked in its original form. I've got two more Superman Batman trades by Loeb to read; they'd better be better than this.

* "Writes"? That's one of the dumbest things I've ever read.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Star City, Part III: Green Arrow: Straight Shooter

Comic trade paperback, 136 pages
Published 2004 (contents: 2003)
Borrowed from the library
Read June 2009

Green Arrow: Straight Shooter

Writer: Judd Winick
Penciller: Phil Hester
Inker: Ande Parks
Colorist: Guy Major
Letterer: Sean Konot

This is Judd Winick's first contribution to Green Arrow, a series he would write for the rest of its run (minus a few interludes). There's some continuity from the first two volumes in that Phil Hester and Ande Parks continue on the art duties, but even without that, it would be a smooth transition-- Winick seems to get Oliver Queen, the man who wants to do the best he can, but still can't avoid who he is. I like how Winick melds some of Green Arrow's typical social justice concerns into a superhero format; the monsters he fights here are imported workers who have had substandard healthcare. Overall, it's a fun, successful story, aside from the very convenient appearance of Superman when Green Arrow gets in over his head at one point. I also really like the villain he introduces here, Constantine Drakon, though I'm already tired of seeing Connor Hawke get beat up to prove the situation is serious.

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Star City, Part II: Green Arrow: Sounds of Violence

Comic trade paperback, 118 pages
Published 2003 (contents: 2002)
Borrowed from a friend
Read June 2009

Green Arrow: Sounds of Violence

Writer: Kevin Smith
Penciller: Phil Hester
Inker: Ande Parks
Colorist: James Sinclair
Letterer: Sean Konot

DC Universe Timeline: Three Years Ago
Real World Timeline: 2001?

(The stories in this book pick up shortly after Quiver. Green Arrow is still reestablishing himself as a force on the streets of Star City, and still coming to terms with his relationships with Black Canary, Mia Dearden, and his son.)

Sounds of Violence collects the second part of Kevin Smith's run on Green Arrow, issues #11-15. Despite containing only about half as many issues as the previous volume, it still packs a satisfying punch. It consists of what are really three separate stories, but all three concern one thing: Oliver Queen's relationship to the people around him. If you read my review of the first volume of this series, you'll know that what I liked was Oliver's depiction as a great hero but a not-so-great man who tries his best. This volume continues that trend.

We're not going to handle these in quite the order they happen in the book; the second chapter, "Feast and Fowl" reignites Green Arrow and Black Canary's relationship, despite both of their wishes. It's a somewhat typical "feisty couple" story; the two bicker a lot and then end up in bed with one another after a workout. I'm a bit confused as to why the news reported that Green Arrow and Black Canary were fighting when they did it all in their civilian identities, but what the hey... I do like seeing the Riddler get smashed to a pulp. Also fun in this story is Green Arrow's fight with Hawkman-- you know that when Black Canary frets the two will be fighting with each other that they will be best buds, but Smith goes on to reverse his reversal in a great moment later on where they do end up fighting. Or rather, it's a great moment if you think women can't speak for themselves in their own relationships and desires, so it's also great when Black Canary knocks the two bickering men out. Though she does it naked, of course. It's a good story, though not really central to the book.

The first chapter, "Ultimate Speedy", is about his relationship with Mia Dearden, the teenage ex-prostitute he took in during Quiver. Mia wants to be the new Speedy, Green Arrow's sidekick, but Oliver doesn't think that's such a good idea; he doesn't want some kid cramping up his style. But as Mia points out, Roy Harper was Speedy to Oliver's Green Arrow back when he was fifteen years old, so what gives? What Oliver realizes as he cleans the streets with his son, new Green Arrow Connor Hawke, is that he likes having a younger person around to show the ropes, likes having someone admire him, likes being a father. But if he's going to actually admit that to himself... he also needs to actually act like a father for the first time in his life, and that means being responsible towards Mia. So no, she actually can't be the new Speedy, as much as both of them want it. It's a nice moment, unexpected in a superhero comic, though I'd worry that Mia's status as a civilian doesn't cause writers to not know what to do with here. I know she became Speedy later on, once Smith was off the title, and I hope it's not crap like when Byrne wrote a whole issue of Alpha Flight explaining why Heather Hudson couldn't be the new Guardian... and then as soon as he was off the title, Bill Mantlo made her the new Guardian because he didn't know what to do with such a unique character. But here, it's a nice little character vignette, showing us an Oliver Queen coming to terms with the idea of being a father for the first time in his life.

This is important to the last (and longest) story of the volume, "The Sounds of Violence". Here, the Green Arrows come up against Onomatopoeia, one of the creepiest comic-book villains I have seen in a long time. This guy's gimmick is that whenever he does something he verbalizes its sound effect first: so he says, "blam" and then he shoots you, "BLAM!" And that's all he says. You can't even see his face; he wears a full-head mask. Phil Hester's art really sells the moments where he just stares at Green Arrow, unanswering. We don't see why he does what he does, either; he's an indecipherable mystery. A simple but disturbing concept. An excellent villain to show the depths of feeling in the Oliver/Connor relationship, as Connor falls victim to Onomatopoeia. The scenes with Oliver and Onomatopoeia in the hospital room together, Oliver's arrow in the villain's mouth as Connor is operated on by desperate physicians, is fantastic. Though one wonders why Oliver just doesn't kill Onomatopoeia anyway, given that he's a known murderer surely going to resist arrest. The story here is simple-- a series of fight scenes interspersed with Ollie's regrets-- but it works really well. Smith has created a compelling set of characters in the past dozen issues, and he really capitalizes on that here.

The only problem I have here is that Onomatopoeia is annoyingly lucky; why can't Green Arrow ever quite get him when he nails so many other people throughout the book with ease. Is he just that good? It seems contrived, unless the villain has super-strength or other powers, but no one ever raises that as a possibility. Why can Onomatopoeia just shoot Connor when no one else can? The conceit of these sort of superhero stories is that the bullets never hit, so it jars when one does for no apparent reason. Things can be random like that in real life; it doesn't work so well in stories. Similarly, I didn't get why Oliver had such a hard time fighting Onomatopoeia, even with help from Black Canary, given the ease in which they took down the Riddler and five goons in the previous story. But it's a small quibble; I'd happily read another story about Onomatopoeia. Wiki tells me that though he never popped up in Green Arrow again, he did make it into a Batman story (also by Smith); I'll have to seek that out.

Sounds of Violence does exactly what I'd hoped the Green Arrow series would do after Quiver: move away from the continuity-heavy background and simply tell good stories about Green Arrow and surrounding characters with the set-up Smith had established. I feel like I don't have a lot to say about this book, but that's because it doesn't have anything big to say about humanity, the universe, or even Green Arrow himself. It sets itself modest goals of telling a cracking good superhero story with strong characterization and snappy dialogue and exceeds those goals well. Though this is the last Green Arrow comic James owns and thus the last you'll see featured in Faster than a DC Bullet, I'm interested enough in the series that I'll be continuing onwards with it, into the trade paperbacks that followed Smith's run on the title.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet: Project Star City, Part I: Green Arrow: Quiver

Comic trade paperback, 226 pages
Published 2002 (contents: 2001-02)
Borrowed from a friend
Read May 2009

Green Arrow: Quiver

Writer: Kevin Smith
Penciller: Phil Hester
Inker: Ande Parks
Colorist: Guy Major
Letterer: Sean Konot

DC Universe Timeline: Three Years Ago
Real World Timeline: 2000?

(Harold Leeds was awarded "Civil Servant of the Year" on April 25, 1999, and it's implied that that was relatively recently. The individual comics making up this collection started coming out in early 2001, so that would make some sense. According to timelines I looked at, Quiver takes place the same year as the death/rebirth of Superman story arc, meaning that seven publishing years' worth of stories take place in the same year. That is insane. This story consistently refers to the events of the "hard-traveling heroes" arc of Green Lantern/Green Arrow, published in 1970-1, as having occurred ten years ago. I have a hard time buying that a story as rooted in its time as that could have transpired in the 1990s.)

In a way, Green Arrow was what started this long comics journey. But that's a long story and one I shan't be getting into right now, but that makes it appropriate that one of the comics James gave me was this, the first story of Green Arrow after his rebirth. You see, Oliver Queen had died back in 1995, thanks to some ecoterrorists, and Connor Hawke, his illegitimate son, had taken over as Green Arrow. But in 1996, during a crisis where the Earth's sun was shut off, Hal Jordan-- who Oliver Queen had previously killed or something-- brought Oliver back to life, though that was not revealed until this story, so I don't know what he got up to in all that time between. If there really was any time between.

Are you confused? So am I, and I've been looking stuff up on Wikipedia and a dozen other websites for the past half-hour trying to get it all straight. But here's the thing-- I hardly ever was while reading Quiver. Despite juggling a complex history that intersects numerous characters and stories, Kevin Smith always keeps the reader from drowning in a sea of continuity, even if there are times where you feel like you're only just barely afloat.

What works here are the characters. My only previous substantial Green Arrow experience was the "hard-traveling heroes" storyline, and this Green Arrow isn't quite that one, but that's a good thing, since that Green Arrow was more a one-note radical leftist mouthpiece for Denny O'Neil than an actual person. Smith's Oliver Queen is a hero, certainly; even as a half-crazed, just-resurrected man he builds himself a rudimentary bow and arrow and tries to stop a mugging, and once he gets his groove back, he's taking on corruption in Star City left, right, and center with some fun sequences. Green Arrow's archery shtick is nice and distinctive; he typically doesn't end up just punching things like many other superheroes.

But Green Arrow's got some problems-- he's got a bit of a habit of running away from responsibilities and messing things up with those he loves: his son, Connor Hawke; his ward, Roy Harper; and most importantly, his love, Dinah Lance the Black Canary. Of course, Ollie can't be blamed for disappearing this time-- he was dead, right?

Actually, it turns out he sort of can, because he's not wholly alive. When Hal Jordan resurrected Oliver Queen, Oliver's soul didn't want to leave the afterlife, as he'd finally found peace there. So the resurrected Oliver has the body and (most of) the memories of the original, but not the soul. It's pointed out that he's fundamentally the same person, but a danger arises from this-- if Oliver's body doesn't have a soul, another soul could easily move in. The book falters a little here, as the existential questions this whole idea raises are somewhat outside the remit of a comic book about a guy in a Robin Hood costume (or at least this comic book about a guy in a Robin Hood costume), so it just tries to avoid them but still gets bogged down in a lot of DC Universe metaphysics.

Metaphysics aren't the only thing going on, though; there's also a serial killer loose in Star City. Supposedly Green Arrow is trying to stop him, but this plotline suffers from two problems. First is that Green Arrow scarcely does anything in this line. It's not his fault, really; halfway through the book and he's just only really gotten back on his feat when the Demon Etrigan shows up and brings in the whole metaphysical thing, and GA never gets a chance to go back to his "mundane" storyline until events come to a head (and turn out to be much less mundane than they'd seemed). The second problem is that the identity of the serial killer is fricking obvious from chapter two of ten at the latest. Maybe Smith thought he was being subtle, maybe he wanted the reader to figure it out, but it's really annoying waiting eight chapters for the characters to catch up. And the eventual explanation of the motives of the killer are convoluted, to say the least.

But the small falterings of the book with crazy metaphysics and crazy killers can be overlooked, because the climax brings it all together. It's not Oliver Queen the just-resurrected soulless husk who has to learn to stop running away from the consequences of his actions; it's the soul hanging out in the afterlife doing nothing but shooting arrows at an ethereal target. That Oliver finally decides to be there for his son. Green Arrow may have not had a choice about his body being resurrected, but he did have a choice about his soul, and it's a choice he makes. It's a great moment when, soul returned, Oliver Queen joins his son in kicking tail and saving the day.

The book also has some cameos from around the DC Universe: Superman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern, the Spectre, Jason Blood, and even Deadman make appearances. Most prominent, however, is Batman. I'm not sure what to think of Smith's Batman-- sometimes he's spot-on, but sometimes he drifts into caricature. But it's real good caricature, so I'm willing to forgive it. The Justice League as a whole suffers from a similar problem (I really think they'd be able to handle Oliver's resurrection better than this), but it's most pronounced with Batman.

Sometimes I also felt a little uneasy about Quiver's portrayal of women. Wonder Woman plants one on Green Arrow's lips when she first meets him, and judging from Wally West's reaction, it's a pretty intense kiss. Well of course she would; what else would an elated woman do but give a man a little bit of tongue? Deadman also gets one off Black Canary in a moment that's played for laughs, even if she does hit him in the jaw for it. And at the end, our serial killer friend also suddenly turns out to like raping teenage girls, seemingly just to up the level of danger a little bit. On the other hand, I have few complaints about Smith's portrayal of Black Canary as a well-rounded, independent woman, as much her own person as Green Arrow. And Mia Dearden is all sorts of awesome as well.

That said, I feel a bit skeevy myself complaining that the only real problem I have with Phil Hester's generally excellent artwork is that Black Canary is just nowhere near as hot as Black Canary should be.

I think the most important thing about Quiver is that though it deals with some crazy continuity, some abstract metaphysics, and some dark themes, is that it never loses its way. This book is about Oliver Queen/Green Arrow, what makes him a great hero and a sometimes not-so-great man, and about how he learns to come through in the end. And perhaps almost as importantly, it's always fun. Whoever doesn't love the boxing glove arrow ought to be lined up and shot.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #9: The Return of Superman

Comic trade paperback, ~480 pages
Published 1993 (contents: 1993)
Borrowed from a friend
Read February 2009

The Return of Superman

Writers: Dan Jurgens, Karl Kesel, Louise Simonson, Roger Stern, Gerard Jones

Pencillers: John Bogdanove, Tom Grummett, Jackson Guice, Dan Jurgens, M. D. Bright
Inkers: Brett Breeding, Doug Hazlewood, Dennis Janke, Denis Rodier, Romeo Tanghal
Colorists: Glenn Whitmore, Anthony Tollin
Letterers: John Costanza, Albert DeGuzman, Bill Oakley

DC Universe Timeline: Four Years Ago
Real World Timeline: May 1993

(We see an issue of the Daily Planet dated to 28 May 1993, indicating the events of this book occur around this date. However, Superman died just before Christmas 1992 according to World Without a Superman, yet Clark Kent is supposedly "rescued" just over a month after Doomsday's attack, meaning either this story ought to fall in January 1993 or Superman's death should be pushed forward to April 1993. A month doesn't even seem right, though-- there ought to be a substantial time without Superman for the world to feel his lack, and then at least a few weeks where the four Supermen are active in Metropolis.)

It turns out that Superman really isn't dead after all. Please, act surprised. This collection tells of his return to life in an absolutely huge book containing twenty-two individual issues. You can't get that for $19.99 anymore; these days DC would turn that into four (hardcover) trades at least. Of course, Superman doesn't do things by halves, he does them by quadruples-- if he comes back from the dead, he's going to do it four times.

The first half of the book or so focuses on each of the four Supermen in turn, trying to avoid a commitment to any one of them actually being the real Clark Kent. By far my favorite of these was John Henry Irons, who is the only one who doesn't try to pretend to be the "real" Superman. Irons is a man whose life was saved by Superman who build himself a suit of steel to fill the gap left when Superman died. Because, despite World Without a Superman going to great pains to show how Supergirl, Guardian, and Gangbuster were successfully filling that gap, no one at all is doing a thing about it here. Irons goes by the moniker "Man of Steel" and spends most of his time fighting some woman who I guess is supposed to be sexy but is in the issues penciled by Jon Bogdanove, so she just looks stupid. Like everyone he pencils. I say I like the Man of Steel the best, and of course I do-- he's being Superman for all the right reasons: it's the right thing to do. Except he's also trying to atone for his past as a weapons developer, now that his super-awesome weapons are being sold to Metropolis gangs. He feels a lot of guilt over this, because apparently street gangs just wouldn't commit crimes if they couldn't gain access to guns called "Toastmasters". He's pretty much an Iron Man rip-off now that I think about it, except that he's not rich, alcoholic, or Republican.

Of course, you pretty much have to like the Man of Steel the best, because the other Supermen aren't up to much. Next most sympathetic is Superboy, a clone of Superman created by Project Cadmus, despite the fact that in World Without a Superman they were stopped from creating a clone by Guardian and the Newsboy Legion. Really, just admit none of you read the stories each other write, guys. Anyway, Superboy is cloned with an earring, sunglasses, and a leather jacket, which tells you everything you need to know-- he's a self-centered 1990s teenager who is about as appealing as Superman as a dead rat. Fortunately, the book doesn't even try to convince you that he's the real deal; he just spends a lot of time flirting with a terminally stupid Asian reporter.

And then there's the other two: the Last Son of Krypton and the Man of Tomorrow (a.k.a. the Cyborg Superman). Perhaps the book's biggest failing is that it never really tries to convince the reader that these two might be the real deal. The Last Son has some good sleights-of-hand to show how he could be the real Superman in practical/plot terms, but there's not enough character work to support that. An attitude more like Superman's, or some moment of connections with his "old" life would go a long way. Guy Gardener likes him, which isn't exactly a vote of support either. And despite the excellent "Prove it" chapter where the Cyborg Superman saves Bill Clinton from an improbable assassination attempt, you never really believe in him either.

But perhaps that's the point. Three of these characters have the Superman powers and logo and modus operandi, but they don't have the Superman essence. And this book is about what makes Superman who he is. He doesn't believe in power above all, he doesn't believe in self-aggrandizement, he doesn't believe in unnecessary lethal force. He believes in doing the right thing. And that's why Steel is the closest any of the characters come to being the "real" Superman, even though he doesn't have the powers in any way, shape, or form. And as the story goes on, the Last Son of Krypton (revealed to be a guy named "the Eradicator" that you and I have never heard of in a humongous and clumsy backstory dump) learns this and begins changing his ways, ameliorating his actions so that he's more like the real Last Son.

(Oh, and Bibbo Bibbowski shows up again, goddamnit. He doesn't say "Sooperman" at least, but we're still treated to "you were my fav'rit!" I'd take even Superboy over this guy.)

Of course, the Cyborg Superman knocks himself out of the running by turning out to be Secretly Evil. He's another guy you and I have never heard of, an astronaut or something who hates Superman for reasons none of the main characters are ever told; there's just an entire issue given over to two comedy aliens telling each other convoluted backstory. Oh, awesome. And he's working with Mongul, an intergalactic criminal whose power is being a lame version of Darkseid. Despite this not-quite-winning villain combination, the second half of the book, where the Cyborg and Mongul unleash their plan and destroy Coast City (poor Green Lantern, his hometown wiped out in someone else's comic), is very good.

The real Superman makes his way back to Metropolis, low on power, but determined. He's Superman, you know? He's not going to stop, even if he doesn't have the powers all the other characters do. Of course, he's got long hair and wears black now, but I guess you can't have everything. His return leads to my three favorite moments of the book: the first is when Superboy, inspired by the real deal (I am getting tired of this phrase) diverts a missile headed for Metropolis, apparently at the cost of his own life. Even though he obviously lives through it, it's a powerful moment, as Superboy struggles and struggles to do what has to be done.

The other highlight is when Superman and Steel battle their ways through Engine City. I dig two-men-with-virtually-nothing-against-all-odds stories, and they're even better when the two men are as awesome as Clark Kent and John Henry Irons. (Supergirl's there too, slowly de-laming herself, but who really cares about her?) And then the Eradicator shows up again and--

I like the idea of the ending-- the Eradicator understanding the "true" meaning of Superman's legacy and gifting Superman with power once more-- but its execution is a little clumsy, I have to admit, as not even the characters have a good reason for why Superman's powers came back. And then the way Superman disposes of the Cyborg is kind of lame. But then, there's the third favorite moment: the double-page spread where Superman really, truly, actually is back. Oh yes!

The art is typical superhero comic fare, usually fine except when Bogdanove is drawing. I wish there was a consistent feature to Maggie Sawyer between artists aside from "lesbian haircut", though.

Like all the best Superman stories, this book is about what it is to be Superman. And with some well-crafted character moments (Lois especially shines in this book) and some strong heroic ones, this book stands as the crowning jewel of the death/rebirth trilogy. Not everything's perfect here, but the book works more often than it doesn't, the second half especially.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #8: World Without a Superman

Comic trade paperback, ~240 pages
Published 1993 (contents: 1993)
Borrowed from a friend
Read January 2009

World Without a Superman

Writers: Dan Jurgens, Karl Kesel, Jerry Ordway, Louise Simonson, Roger Stern

Pencillers: John Bogdanove, Tom Grummett, Jackson Guice, Dan Jurgens, Walter Simonson
Inkers: Brett Breeding, Doug Hazlewood, Dennis Janke, Denis Rodier, Trevor Scott, Walter Simonson
Letterers: John Costanza, Albert DeGuzman, Bill Oakley, John Workman
Colorist: Glenn Whitmore

DC Universe Timeline: Four Years Ago
Real World Timeline: December 1992

(In here, we learn it's the Christmas season when Superman dies. But for some reason no one thought to mention this in the previous collection? In fact, the newspaper article reporting his death is dated to the 25th (though the month is blurry), but that makes no sense, given his funeral falls on Christmas Eve.)

Once Superman died, all of his comics somehow continued to chug along. I guess they were on life-support or something. World Without a Superman collects all the issues that ran during this time, originally under the title Funeral For A Friend. I always thought that was a bit of a dumb name, so I'm glad it's not the title of the trade. A lot of these are fairly standalone-- we don't really get one big plot for this book-- so I'll be tackling each issue in an individual mini-review.

"Death of a Legend"
This issue picks up right where The Death of Superman left off, with Lois holding Superman's body in her arms. Most of it centers on making sure Superman is really, truly, actually dead. The Guardian gives him CPR (oh, now he shows up and does something), Dan Turpin yells a lot, Dubbilex reads his mind, Paul Westfield tries to steal the body, and Bloodwynd doesn't actually help at all. Which is pretty par for the course. Most of the issue is spent cutting between the efforts of Professor Emil Hamilton to use a super-defibrillator to rescuitate Superman and the reactions of various people to the news of his death. Among those in this group are some guy apparently called Gangbuster, Lex Luthor, Supergirl, the Daily Planet staff, and most importantly the Kents. The issue's role is pretty perfunctory-- establishing that Superman is really, truly, actually dead-- but it does it well enough, and the reactions from the Kents and Dan Turpin are especially well done. Reading this I learned how out of touch I was with Superman's recurring cast in the post-Crisis era: who the heck is Bibbo Bibbowski?

"Re: Actions"
This picks up pretty close to the end of "Death of a Legend", except that Maggie Sawyer has taken off her shirt for some reason. And grown larger breasts. And changed her hair. The main plot of this one concerns Director Westfield and Project Cadmus trying to lay hands on Superman's body, while the Metropolis police, the Guardian, Lex Luthor, and Supergirl all try to stop him. Squabbling over his corpse is a great way to honor his memory. Meanwhile, Supergirl beats up some people driving a car. (She goes under car and holds it over her head for no reason other than a contrived recreation of the cover of Action Comics #1.) None of this is very interesting. The decent part of the issue is people dealing with hearing about Superman's death, primarily Lana Lang and various criminals. I especially liked the Toyman's reaction. For some reason, though, Lana and the Kents barely get a page while Bibbo Bibbowski-- who we saw react to it last issue-- gets over two! The artwork in this issue is pretty stiff, too; a lot of times the characters look really posed.

Untitled Story About that Annoying Guy From Armageddon 2001
If this story has a title, it's not established in here, but it's about Waverider, the man from the future with Kirby dots for hair. Apparently he's joined a squad of characters that I didn't recognize and that no one bothers to mention the names of who do something with time that's never clearly explained. This Time Crew shows Waverider the death of Superman, and he gets all in a flurry and decides they have to go back in time to save him. They talk him out of it. That's about it. The story's even more pointless in light of the fact that Superman comes back to life later of course, but all the characters act like this really was his final end. God, I bet Waverider felt dumb when they got back to the Time Base and found out that if he'd read the next sentence of his Superman biography, he'd have been spared a trip. Trevor Scott's poor inks don't help endear me to this terrible story, either.

"Funeral Day"
Guess what? This issue's about the funeral. It's fine. Mostly it's a series of further reactions from various characters. (Even Bill Clinton, bizarrely enough.) Unfortunately, Bibbo Bibbowski shows up for the third time in this collection. Were the writers in love with this guy or something? If ever have to read him saying "I liked Sooperman; he was my favrit" one more time, I'm going to punch someone in the face. What the heck is up with that goofy "phonetic" spelling that only serves to make him sound retarded. I liked the bit where Batman clobbered a guy. Oh, and I always enjoy an appearance from Lobo.

The best part of this issue is the tragedy of the fact that while Superman's loved ones can mourn him, Clark Kent's can't. The Kents can't even go to the funeral; Lois Lane only gets in because Jimmy Olsen saves her a spot. (Though how Jimmy Olsen got a spot while Lois didn't to begin with baffles me.) Ma and Pa Kent hold a private ceremony for Clark, which is one of the most effective pieces of this entire book: "We tried it your way, Jonathan, and--" "and it's not enough! It feels empty as hell-- unngh!" "I feel like nothing can plug the hole in my heart." "Like... nobody needs us now. Almost like... there's no reason to go on living." But they're the Kents-- some of the most kind-hearted, optimistic people the world has ever known. And so they don't wallow in grief; they head to Metropolis to help Lois Lane, not even thinking about themselves anymore.

"Metropolis Mailbag II"
In this issue, the Justice League bands together to answer the mail Superman always gets around Christmastime. Then the annoying bubblegum-blowing punk from The Death of Superman shows up, still wearing his baseball cap backwards. He's feeling bad because he blames himself for Superman's death, so Jimmy Olsen takes him to the one person in Metropolis who can comfort him... Bibbo Bibbowski! Again? Are you freaking kidding me? And there he goes: "That's Sooperman fer ya! No wonder he's my favrit!" Shut up. You may recall that the punk's father walked out on him, his mother, and his sister before the events of Death. But it's okay, because all that's needed to repair marital problems in the DC universe is a stern talking-to from Wonder Woman. This issue contains only a few panels about Lois, Lana, and the Kents, but that thread continues to be the best thing about the book.

"Grave Obsession"
Someone steals Superman's body from the tomb. Supergirl and Dan Turpin investigate, but end up fighting those annoying sewer-dwellers from Death for no real reason. Meanwhile, Gangbuster is up to something, but no one cares. The only thing that saves this issue is that I've thought "Terrible" Turpin was hella awesome ever since the 1990s Superman cartoon, and he still is here, fairing just as well as Supergirl in the fight against the sewer monsters.

"Who's Buried in Superman's Tomb?"
How dumb of an issue title can you have? We know the answer is "no one" because we saw inside the tomb last issue. Most of this issue is about Supergirl, Lex, and the cops wandering around another cave. Supergirl causes a flash flood, the genius. Oh, and we learn the Lex Luthor, Jr. is really a clone of the original Lex Luthor with Lex's consciousness in his body. I'm not sure if this issue was the first-ever revelation of that fact or not, but it's the first time it's made in the current storyline, at least. It's surprisingly undramatic. Meanwhile, the Guardian rides his motorcycle. And wows us with his amazing recordable laser discs. I can hardly stand the excitement.

"The Guardians of Metropolis!"
Despite the fact that in the last issue, 1) Project Cadmus said getting a DNA sample from Superman was impossible and 2) Guardian acquiesced to the idea of a Superman clone, in this issue 1) Project Cadmus suddenly gets a DNA sample and 2) Guardian is suddently dead-set against a Superman clone. His suggestion is to clone himself instead. One wonders why he didn't make this suggestion years ago, given that he himself is a clone. Fortunately (with the help of the Newsboy Legion, always fun to see) the disc containing Superman's DNA sequence is destroyed, stopping Project Cadmus from making a clone, as having sampled Superman's DNA once, there's of course no way they could do it again.

"Ghosts"
The Newsboy Legion is astounded to learn that Project Cadmus has Superman's body, demonstrating that none of the writers of this book were actually paying attention to what happened in the issue before theirs. Meanwhile, the sewer dwellers find the bomb that Cadmus used to blow a hole in Superman's tomb. How they did this when the bomb would have had to blow up is not clear. Nor is the reason that Cadmus, a top-secret organization, stencils its logo onto the side of its explosives. They must take lessons from Torchwood. Lois Lane dresses up in scuba gear and teams up with the sewer people and the Newsboy Legion to prove to the world that Cadmus has Superman's body, planning to run a column the next day. Meanwhile, Metropolis continues to flood, but no one seems to do anything about it. It's everything bit as thrilling as it sounds.

But at the end: Pa Kent suffers a heart attack!

"The End"
As Pa Kent is rushed to the hospital, and his condition deteriorates rapidly, Lois goes to Lex and Supergirl to get their help in recovering the body of Superman, since she has no intention of running a story on it and making the news public. Um... Lois comes to help Supergirl, but all she does is ride a dirt bike. It takes Supergirl about six seconds to get the body back, which makes you wonder why we've spent all these issues to get to this point. Lex actually gets some good material in this issue, as his facade is slipping, and he's starting to act more like the ruthless, callous businessman we all know and love. Of course, the high point of this issue is the memories of Clark that flash through Pa's mind as he gets worse and worse... until... he dies.

"Life After Death"
This issue has the best art in the entire book, as Pa wakes up in Korea, knowing nothing except that he has to find and rescue a downed airman. (Of course, this alternates with another tedious story of Gangbuster. It wouldn't be an issue of Funeral For A Friend without a member of Superman's supporting cast that no one cares about showing up. At least we're spared Bibbo Bibbowski for once.) Pa travels into a surreal landscape, showing the drive and determination he passed on to his son-- he doesn't even know who the downed airman is (though it's Clark, of course), he just knows that it's the right thing to do and that he's going to do it the right way.

Pa finds Clark in a Kryptonian funeral procession, being marched into the light. This is the highlight of the issue-- Pa tells him that just for once, he should think of Krypton, not Earth. A Earthman is mortal, a Kryptonian isn't. (The symbolism is a little muddled here, though, given that Pa is simultaneously telling Clark to reject the trappings of Krypton as represented by the funeral procession.) In the end, Pa smashes an image of Jor-El, denouncing him as a phony, and Superman and his real father travel into the darkness together. Pa suddenly revives in the hospital bed, and as for Superman...? This is good stuff, and it looks great, but it didn't quite carry the emotional punch that a journey into death to save the soul of your son should have. I was oddly unaffected by the whole thing.

Overall, this collection does not live up to its potential. There's some good material with Lois and the Kents dealing with the death of Clark, but there's far more tedious battling over Superman's corpse, and interminable appearances by the most boring/bizarre members of the Superman supporting cast. (Which seems really strange. Surely this set of storylines attracted a bunch of new readers, or reeled in more casual ones. How put off they must have been by things like the Newsboy Legion and Cat Grant's boyfriend! While people like Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen don't need introduction, of course, the rest of the cast certainly does, and these comics make no effort to provide it.) Please, someone tell me that The Return of Superman will be good at least.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #7: The Death of Superman

Comic trade paperback, ~168 pages
Published 1993 (contents: 1992)
Borrowed from a friend
Read November 2008

The Death of Superman

Writers: Dan Jurgens, Jerry Ordway, Louise Simonson, Roger Stern

Pencillers: John Bogdanove, Tom Grummett, Jackson Guice, Dan Jurgens
Inkers: Brett Breeding, Rick Burchett, Doug Hazlewood, Dennis Janke, Denis Rodier
Letterers: John Costanza, Albert DeGuzman, Bill Oakley, Willie Schubert
Colorists: Gene D'Angelo, Glenn Whitmore

DC Universe Timeline: Four Years Ago
Real World Timeline: 1992

(Holy crap, we're vaulting to the present day at this rate. Apparently the past sixteen years of comics take place in four years? No wonder Superman decided to die-- he just wanted some time off.)

In the early 1990s, comic book writers decided to kill off Superman, knowing that it would allow them to sell a bazillion copies, even to schmucks who don't buy comic books. Rather than have someone awesome kill of Superman, like Lex Luthor, they decided to invent someone totally lame to do it instead. Meet the Darth Maul of the DC Universe: Doomsday.

We're introduced to Doomsday as a big green fist smashing its way through a wall. The best part of this is that breaking your way out of a subterranean capsule apparently makes the sound effect KRAAKK! KARAAKK! KRAKA-DOOM! I hope someone out there is collecting the stupid textually-represented sound effects comics are filled with; this one deserves to be on the list. As the issue's main plot progresses, we get little snaps of what this gigantic fellow is up to. His first act of violence? He kills a bird. Exactly how this is supposed to establish him as a threat is beyond me. "Oh no, how will Superman defeat the horrendous... BIRD KILLER? He has the power to crunch two-pound lifeforms with his bare hands!" He can also fell trees.

After that excitement-filled, opening, we cut to an orphan kid buying spraypaint in a hardware store. Apparently, his mother's been kidnapped by a gang of thugs looking to "steal electricity". Lois Lane gets some sort of tip, and leaves Clark a message on his computer. "Very high tech of her," comments Clark when he shows up at work. I think this is sort of putting paid to the notion that this story somehow takes place in 2004. The underground monsters end up stealing Metropolis's electricity, but Superman defeats them fairly easily. They're lead by a scruffy homeless man named Charlie who's actually working for Superman in any case; we're not exactly talking about a strong opposition. They come from a place called "War World"; no one ever bothers to explain why they're hanging out in the sewers or what they're going to do with their electricity. Superman leaves Charlie in the sewer in the end, because homeless people can't aspire to live better lives.

After this thrilling adventure, we cut back to the monster thing, who has just attacked a tanker... in Ohio! Apparently the monster thing came from Ohio. This makes me mildly better disposed towards him. Actually, I think this is the first time I've ever seen Ohio in a superhero comic. I bet he comes from Cleveland, though. The Justice League has been called in to deal with the tanker fire, as apparently they don't have firefighters in the DC Universe. An officer of the highway patrol thanks the Leaguers for helping out: "I'm well aware that Ohio is out of your normal area of jurisdiction--" What! I'm pretty sure this is set during the era when the Justice League was all "International" and worked for the UN; is Ohio not a UN member?

After the monster kills a deer, the Justice League springs into action (in Blue Beetle's totally awesome flying beetle) and combats him. They catch up to him outside Lex Oil's Ohio facility, where they are trounced pretty easily. Superman ditched a TV talk show where he's been doing an interview and flies to the rescue. "How could one man stand against the whole League?" he thinks. Whoa, slow down Superman. It's not like Wonder Woman, Batman, or even the Flash are part of the League now; we're talking about Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Bloodwynd, Fire and Ice, Guy Gardner, and Maxima. These aren't exactly heavy hitters. Guy, as much as I love him, is in one of the periods where he's been kicked out of the Green Lantern Corps, so he's dressed even worse than usual, and I'm pretty sure I could take out Blue Beetle. And I've never even heard of Bloodwynd or Maxima. This comic doesn't exactly inspire me to want to know more about them, either. I'm pretty sure Maxima's power is being stupid. And having an invincible midriff.

Superman finally shows up after half the League has been incapacitated. "I'm telling you, right now--" says Booster Gold "--it's like doomsday is here!" Yes, Booster, I can certainly see how wiping out a tanker and an oil facility would make this the biggest threat the League's ever seen. For some reason, Superman decides that "Doomsday" must be the monster's name. Not good with comprehension, our Superman.

It's the early 1990s, so unfortunately about half of Superman's opening battle with Doomsdayis intercut with a long-haired teenager with attitude who hates his mother. Superman hates this kid even more than I do, however; when he's trapped in a rampaging inferno, Superman flies away, thinking, "I have to... block out that plea for help!" What a nice guy.

Superman decides that even if the whole Justice League couldn't take Doomsday down, he can. He's got a point. Superman refers to the monster as "Mr. Destructo" at one point; I wish that name had stuck instead of "Doomsday"; it would have given this story the gravitas it deserves. We learn that the battle is occurring in "Kirby County, Ohio"-- there's no such place, though Wikipedia informs me that there is a "Kirby, Ohio" south of Findlay. On the other hand, Route 110 runs through the area, which is actually an 11-mile state highway in Henry County, west of Bowling Green. The governor of Ohio is mentioned; during this time, that would have been George Voinovich. The lieutenant governor actually particaptes in a phone conversation, where he is repeatedly insulted. Poor Mike DeWine.

For some reason, there's a sequence where Jimmy Olsen is dressed as a giant turtle. Then, a news anchor informs us that "It appears 'Doomsday' is on a straight path crossing from Ohio through New York State... Some theorize that the creature is on a straight course to-- or through-- Metropolis." Apparently, the news has magically got wind of Superman's misbegotten nickname for the creature. And Pennsylvania does not exist in the DC Universe. Thank God.

Superman fights Doomsday by a gas station. Can't anyone ever catch up to this guy not in proximity to flammable materials? Now we learn that the gas station is in "the village of Griffith in upstate Kirby County." Doomsday must be fluctuating the fabric of space or something, because Griffith is in eastern Ohio, nowhere near Kirby or Route 110. Alarmed by the fact that the writers don't know a thing about geography, Jack Kirby's Golden Guardian shows up. Now, I like random appearances by Fourth World characters as much as the next guy, but all he does is talk to Superman and telepathically commune with Dubbilex. Thanks a lot, dude.

All of a sudden, Doomsday's attacking a Lex-Mart in Midvale, which is about fifty miles northwest of Griffith. So much for his beeline towards Metropolis. And "Lex-Mart"? Are there any other megacorporations in the DC Universe? At the Lex-Mart, Doomsday watches an ad for a wrestling match at the Metropolis Arena. Why wrestling matches an eight-hour drive away are being advertised on this TV station is beyond me. Doomsday is intrigued by this ad and decides to head for Metropolis... despite a reporter telling us fifteen pages ago that he was heading straight towards it.

Superman and Doomsday continue to punch each other a lot. This has been going on for about fifty pages, now. I'm starting to miss the sewer folks. They might have been stupid, but that made them entertaining. Doomsday is pure tedium.

More proof that it's the early 1990s materializes with Lois Lane's awful aviators and Lex Luthor's long, flowing locks. Since when did Lex Luthor have hair, anyway? Or hang out with Supergirl?

Doomsday looks at a sign and learns that he's only sixty miles from Metropolis. Which would place him and Superman somewhere in New Jersey, I think. What the heck? What happened to Midvale? Or all of Pennsylvania, for that matter? If you're wondering why I'm focusing on the geography so much, it's because it's the only interesting thing happening here. Unless you count Superman and Doomsday throwing each other at things again and again. Including the Wild Area, which is a giant treehouse outside of Metropolis. Why wasn't this retconned out of existence during the Crisis? The Golden Guardian is still tagging along, still doing nothing. He finally decides that Doomsday is too big for Superman to handle alone... and promptly never appears in the story again. Way to go, dude.

It wouldn't help much, though. Supergirl attacks Doomsday and gets turned into a featurelss purple thing with googly eyes. I don't know what kind of punch can do that, but it's one I'd stay away from.

"This insanity ends in Metropolis!" Superman shouts outside of a Lexpark Garage. What, were the geographically confused inhabitants of Kirby County, Ohio not worthy of your best efforts? I guess not-- Ohio's not part of the UN after all.

As sensitive as ever, Jimmy Olsen (thankfully not dressed like a turtle) is excited that Doomsday's killing hundreds of Metropolis residents because it gives him some good photographs. No wonder he can't ever get a girlfriend.

Superman's cape is torn off and wraps itself around a convenient wooden pole.

Superman and Doomday punch each other for a series of one-panel pages. Superman takes one in the jaw. "Bony protrustions... so sharp.. he cut me!" he shouts. Yes, my natural reaction getting punched is also to describe the punch.

PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH.

Finally, Superman decides to punch Doomsday really hard. Hard enough to kill him. Why didn't he think of this earlier? I don't know, but it's too late. Because he dies.

The narrator tells me that everyone will remember this day for years because Superman dies. He doesn't bother to mention that he only stays dead for a few months. Personally, I wasn't crying; I was rejoicing. Because the whole mess was finally over.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #6: Crisis on Infinite Earths

Comic trade paperback, ~368 pages
Published 2000 (contents: 1985-86)
Borrowed from a friend
Read October 2008

Crisis on Infinite Earths

Writer: Marv Wolfman

Penciller: George Pérez
Inkers: Dick Giordano, Mike DeCarlo, Jerry Ordway
Colorists: Anthony Tollin, Tom Ziuko, Carl Gafford
Color Reconstruction: Tom McCraw
Letterer: John Costanza

DC Universe Timeline: Six Years Ago
Real World Timeline: July 1985

(We've vaulted straight over the early careers of the modern superheroes-- it's been seven years since Superman For All Seasons and The Superman Chronicles, six years since The Long Halloween. It also happens to be the MONTH I WAS BORN. Coincidence that a multiverse-shaking event happened at that very moment? I sincerely doubt it. Though, going by DC Universe time, it's 1991 and I'm only six years old right now. Or maybe my body was infused with antimatter and I grew at a fantastically accelerated rate. In any case, I must be posting this on Usenet.)

It's a well-known fact that by the 1980s, the continuity of the DC Universe-- sorry, Multiverse-- was in such a state that students of Russian hermeneutics were rejecting it as too confusing. But Marv Wolfman was a man with a plan: destroy it and replace it with something even more bizarre and inexplicable. The vehicle for this transformation was Crisis on Infinite Earths, an twelve-issue miniseries that would change the state of comics forever, subjecting us to poorly thought out crossovers on a regular basis for the next 25 years and beyond, I'm sure. Actually, I've never read any of the other "crises", but my perusal of Internet bulletin boards has confirmed that I'm supposed to hate them.

Actually, I find it bizarrely hard to pass judgment on Crisis on Infinite Earths. It's not so much a work of art as a fact of life. It's not something you can judge, it just is. It's known for what it did, not how it did it. Because even if it had done it all poorly, it still would have been as famous and influential as it is today.

But I don't think it did do it poorly. Sure, it's melodramatic as possible sometimes, but it's a comic book crossover dealing with the collapse of an infinite number of universes, what do you expect? Most of the time, it's just plain fun-- Marv Wolfman has an encyclopedic knowledge of DC characters and continuity, and that shines through here in the ridiculous number of characters who appear in this comic. In fact, he knows so many obscure characters, it frequently becomes a problem-- when the Monitor assembles his team to defend his vibrational forks (whatever), he brings together Superman, Blue Beetle, Dawnstar, Green Lantern, Psimon, Geo-Force, Cyborg, Obsidian, Firebrand, Firestorm, Killer Frost, Psycho Pirate, Doctor Polaris, and a giant gorilla. Who the heck are these people? Obviously I known Superman and the other heavy hitters, but Geo-Force? Firebrand? Doctor Polaris, the Master of Magnetism? I don't think anyone yearning for a crossover of DC's infinite characters was ever clamoring for a Psimon/Doctor Polaris teamup.

The other problem is that when you've got a threat that's big enough to bring all these people together... it's a threat too big for them to actually handle. The protagonists in this story are little more than tools for the Monitor, who is privy to a plot that is never really fully revealed, jerking our heroes from point to point, having them run contrived little tasks, such as guarding his vibrational cutlery. Often, threats are contrived just to spice things up, such as when Lex Luthor, never to be outdone, decides that he's going to take over four Earths at once with the help of every supervillain ever, prompting a protracted battle to fill page space while the heroes fight back.

The deficiency of our own heroes in such cosmic occurrences is really shown fully in "Death at the Dawn of Time", when our heroes stand around watching the Spectre do all of the work that it takes to defeat the Anti-Monitor. Well, one of the times-- the Anti-Monitor comes back from the dead about three times after this, sometimes a mere page after his most recent demise. I was so happy when the Superman of Earth-2 punched him so hard that he exploded. Though why this should have killed him when the power of Darkseid could not, I have no idea.

I guess these are just the natural problems of writing a crossover this big. And most of the time, Wolfman is solid enough to keep you from realizing that the main characters aren't actually doing much other than looking at the oh-so-slow moving walls of antimatter. There's certainly a lot to like here, too. One of the biggest deals that of course happens in this book is that Supergirl is killed off. (Which is convenient, since she doesn't exist in the new continuity at the story's end. Indeed, all of the characters who don't exist in the new timeline are killed off at some point, all of them just happening to get in the way of one of the Anti-Monitor's blasts.) This didn't really affect me a whole lot when I read the story for the first time-- I knew it was going to happen (it's on the cover, for crying out loud), and I've never been attached to the Silver Age Supergirl.

But what did get me was the death of the Flash-- I had no idea! And it's such a great death, too. Despite everything that's happened to him, to his world, he just keeps on running and running and running, doing his best to stop the Anti-Monitor from making a giant cannon or whatever the heck it is, running so hard and so fast that he dissolves. How freaking awesome is that? I was genuinely moved the first time I read the book. Barry Allen, I'll miss you. Even if I've never read another story featuring you.

The other weird thing, but mostly in retrospect, is all the sideplots that were obviously setups for what was going to happen in other comic books. What's all that nonsense about the Red Tornado, anyway? And the blue dude with the horns meeting those guys in space? And you know I'm never going to pick up New Teen Titans #15 to read about Starfire's wedding plans. As for the new Wildcat? Who the crap cares?

I've been remiss-- all this time and I've yet to mention George Pérez's artwork. Because that, more than anything else, is what sells this story. I find it amazing that the man could pump out work of this caliber on a monthly basis-- and some of the issues are double-sized! The level of detail is extraordinary. Some of his panels feature Every Character Ever-- and all of them are recognizable! Well, recognizable to someone much more well-versed in DC minutia than myself. And as for his layouts... some of these pages feature more than a dozen panels! All of them clear and distinct. A Pérez comic does not waste space. He chooses his full-page panels carefully. The destruction of entire universe can sometimes be one panel out of many-- when he does a two-page spread, you know it's important! I wish I could say more about his artwork, but I don't know a thing about artwork, and the best I could do would be to say "It's awesome" again and again. (Oh, I really dig the black-and-white extracts from "The Monitor Tapes" at the bottom of the pages of "Death at the Dawn of Time!" Obviously Pérez was a master of any color scheme.)

Great Rao, this review has been all over the place. But I think that's appropriate for a story like Crisis on Infinite Earths, one so big it could scarcely be contained or summed up in an effective manner, thanks to Marv Wolfman's encyclopedic knowledge and cosmic plotting and George Pérez's masterful artwork and incredible layouts. One can only hope that like Crisis, the legacy of this review will live on... forever! Or at least the next 25 years of Faster than a DC Bullet.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #5: The Superman Chronicles, Volume One

Comic trade paperback, 204 pages
Published 2006 (contents: 1938-39)
Borrowed from a friend
Read September 2008

The Superman Chronicles, Volume One

Writer: Jerry Siegel

Illustrator: Joe Shuster

DC Universe Timeline: Thirteen Years Ago
Real World Timeline: 1938-39

(The stories in this volume obviously take place during Superman's first year in Metropolis-- no one knows who he is at the beginning, but he rapidly becomes famous. The 1930s setting is pretty obvious-- which I guess means the present day of the DC Universe is the 1950s? Comic book time is a bizarre thing.)

The Superman Chronicles is a series with a rather ambitious aim-- to reprint "every Superman story in exact chronological order!" I don't know how far they plan on going with this thing, but right now they are up to five volumes of this stuff, which covers about three years of publishing, so they've got a ways to go, even if they are only doing the Golden Age. (Unfortunately, James only owns the first volume.) The first volume contains seventeen stories, mostly from various issues of Action Comics, though there is also one issue each of the New York World's Fair and Superman books. I'm not going to review all of these stories, however, because that would get pretty redundant.

Action Comics #1 ("Superman, Champion of the Oppressed!") of course created a splash on its initial publication, and it is easy to see why. Because Superman is awesome. In this first issue, he stops a woman from being wrongfully executed, stops a wife-beating in progress from a tip at the Daily Star (though who exactly phones a newspaper to inform of wife-beatings in progress is beyond me), takes Lois out for a dance, prevents Lois from being raped, and intimidates a lobbyist in Washington, D.C. This is a much more down-to-Earth Superman than the modern reader is used to-- not in the sense that he's more relateable as a character, because he's absolutely not-- but because he's got a much lower powerset (he can't yet fly, though he can run fast and jump high, and he has enormous strength, but no laser vision or anything like that), and he deals with much more "normal" problems. There's only one supervillain in this entire collection-- Ultra-Humanite makes his appearance in one of the last stories, and even then his plan is to take over the world via a taxi protection racket.

So Superman pretty much spends all of his time righting human wrongs-- and he does this in a most entertaining fashion. In Action Comics #2 ("Revolution in San Monte, Pt. 2"), he takes the boss of the aforementioned lobbyist to the South American country where his company is selling munitions to spur on a civil war, forcing him to enlist and then enlisting alongside him! Hilarity ensues as the lobbyist discovers the horrors of war, Lois is nearly executed for some random reason, Superman battles an airplane, and the war ends when the leaders of each side suddenly realize they have no idea what the war's about. How could you not enjoy this?

Of course, random South American countries aren't all Superman cares about. This early Superman is always sticking up for the little guy, and of course you know he's always going to win, because no one remotely capable of threatening him even exists. Where the entertainment value in these stories generally comes from is in how Superman rights his wrongs-- usually by giving the perpetrators a taste of their own medicine: he traps a negligent mine owner in his own mine (along with a group of bored socialites), he solves the problem of tenement housing by destroying the housing so that the government will have to build nicer housing (not exactly on the side of the law, this Superman), he puts a crooked prison warden in his own prison, he gets back on a group of stock swindlers by making them think their own shares are worth millions... and then wrecking their oil wells permanently, and he combats reckless driving by smashing up used car lots.

Of course, sometimes you have to wonder if he doesn't have better things to do, such as when he investigates cheating on the "Dale" and "Cordell" college football teams, or when he joins a circus to increase its flagging ticket sales. Though, in the end, there's usually an attempted murder, which would seem to justify his super-involvement.

The early Clark Kent persona is interesting-- I prefer a much more confident Clark myself, but this Clark is an absolute pansy. One is somewhat unsure why he must play at being such a pansy; at one point Clark gives up a source to a man likely to kill him just to keep up his persona! Of course, Superman rescues the man, but surely that wasn't necessary? Still, it's also interesting to note the overlap between the two persona-- frequently, he ends up embroiled in an adventure when using his Superman persona to do some investigative journalism that Clark doesn't have the powers to carry out. On the other hand, God knows what he's playing at with Lois Lane. For some reason, he seems purposefully mess things up with her as Clark, but when she's obviously willing to jump Superman, he acts entirely aloof and noncaring! (One can't blame him for having a thing for Lois, though-- even this early on, she's plucky and courageous, always doing what needs to be done for her story, and she doesn't take crap from anyone. And she's apparently a helluva kisser to boot.)

But by the end of the volume, this early Superman is starting to come to an end. As appealing as the idea of Superman, Champion of the Oppressed is, it can't work forever. When Superman's always going to win, it's eventually boring (the Superman vs. a cracking dam story is a great example), and he can't reshape the social structure of America-- which Superman could if he was real. The coming of Ultra-Humanite signals the end of this approach to Superman, as unrelentingly fun and enjoyable as it might be.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.

Faster than a DC Bullet, Issue #4: Batman: The Long Halloween

Comic trade paperback, ~368 pages
Published 1999 (contents: 1996-97)
Borrowed from a friend
Read August 2008

Batman: The Long Halloween

Writer: Jeph Loeb

Artist: Tim Sale
Colors: Gregory Wright
Letters: Richard Starkings

DC Universe Timeline: Twelve Years Ago
Real World Timeline: 1987-88?

(Much like the same authors' Superman For All Seasons, this could pretty much be set at any time. In the DC Universe, it follows on the heels of Batman: Year One, covering eighteen months in Batman's early career, from June to December of the following year. I'm uncertain how much time has passed since Year One because I don't have that book on hand anymore.)

You know, there's this thing about Batman. There are a lot of people out there who like Batman more than they like Superman. And I'm actually okay with that, because I know that when it comes down to it, Superman could beat Batman in a fight so easily, and that's what matters most of all when you're talking about superheroes. What I'm not okay with is their reasons. "Batman is more realistic than Superman." Or "Batman is more relateable than Superman."

Excuse me, what?

Who on Earth can relate to a man who saw his parents brutally gunned down in an alley when he was eight years old, spent his young adult life traveling the world and being trained by the greatest masters of martial arts, science, and awesomeness, and now uses his billionaire wealth and mega-corporation to fight crime in the alleys of Gotham City dressed up as a giant bat? He's nothing like anything anyone has ever experienced! Superman, on the other hand, is an ordinary decent person who woke up one day to find out he could fly. And shoot lasers out of his eyes. Incredible unrealistic in a sense, but-- you could be Superman. You could not be Batman.

As more more realistic? I think Batman's lack of superpowers make him less realistic, not more. Superman's powers come from a yellow sun and his Kryptonian heritage; if you happened to have that, you could do all of the things Superman does. Batman has got no excuse for the fact that he can do all of these amazing things. He just can. And no matter how much you or I trained, no matter how much we hung out with Liam Neeson in the mountains of Tibet, we could not be Batman.

This, I think, is the fundamental root of my problem with the Batman comics I have read so far in this incredibly drawn-out blogging series. (I mean, one comic a month? How hard can this be?) The Superman we see in Superman For All Seasons is a guy we can relate to, as I hammered home in that review again and again. Even the one in Birthright fairs pretty all right. But Batman... he's never really depicted as a character. He's just there, this force of nature that spends all his time disappearing mid-conversation with Commissioner Gordon and kicking people in the face. You never get a feeling that he's an actual person, a man with struggles and difficulties and problems.

Except for once. In chapters 8 and 9 of The Long Halloween, which take place on Mother's Day and Father's Day, respectively, Batman's long, drawn-out hunt for the serial killer known only as "Holiday" is paralleled with his youthful memories of his parents. Of course, Batman does everything he does as part of some almost insane devotion to his long-dead ancestors. And here, that really comes through-- you feel that when Batman's failed, he's not just failed himself, he's failed his mom and his dad. And for a man who's spent his entire life making up to them, that's a pretty crushing blow. For once in the book, you know what it is to be Batman. And these chapters were my favorite parts of the story.

Not that the rest of it is terrible. But... what it seems to come down to in the end with this, just like Batman: Year One is... it's not as good as Batman Begins/The Dark Knight. Everything this comic does, those movies do better. In them, Batman does feel like a person you can relate to and understand. His actions really do feel like a struggle. I think that's because the movies use his supporting cast, especially Alfred, much more effectively. In this comic, much like Year One, Alfred is a two-scene nonentity with no real impact. And I think Dent's descent into Two-Face was much more effectively handled in the films-- the coin thing feels incredibly random here, as it's scarcely mentioned before he goes evil. In the movie, it's an integral part of his personality from the beginning.

Of course, not being as good as Christopher Nolan's Batman films is hardly the worst criticism you can give something.

This comic is good. It's got some problems-- most of the time, it feels like our protagonists are just standing around waiting for Holiday to kill someone else. Which I suppose might happen with real serial killers, but it makes for dull reading at times. The final solution as to who Holiday is is at first a cheat and then just muddled. But aside from that, the story is decent enough.

Most of the supporting characters are well-handled, especially the members of Batman's Rogue Gallery. I really like how the Joker, the Mad Hatter, Solomon Grundy, and the Scarecrow were handled. I really liked how the Riddler was handled, which is surprising, as I usually find his character pretty stupid. Catwoman confused me more than anything else: in Year One Selina Kyle's a prostitute, in this story she's part of Bruce Wayne's social circle. The gangster stuff was very well done, too, and probably some of my favorite parts-- another area where these comics obviously infuenced the Nolan films.

Jim Gordon continues to be awesome. Actually, I really like the stuff with the GCPD in general; Wikipedia tells me they got their own comic book series called Gotham Central, and I mean to check it out someday. This small group of people in their enternally-losing battle can't help but be appealing.

Tim Sale's art, of course, is fantastic, aside from the occasional panel where Batman is somewhat over-muscled. Overall: it was decent, but the lack of real character in Bruce Wayne/Batman prevents it from becoming great. Not so much a mixed bag as just... average.

Note that this originally appeared on my old LiveJournal and included pictures back then. Sadly, the pictures are lost in the mists of the Internet.