No No

My son weighs in on if I'm allowed to blog this week.

Last week, I failed to post a Friday blog. this would be the first time I have failed to do* so since I began my current posting pattern in July 2015. that's 192 weeks of regular posting! to be honest, I'm amazed I'd never failed before, but if I was going to fail, now is clearly the time to do so.

My parents came a few weeks ago. When I was driving my dad back to the airport, he asked if I liked being a dad. I said I liked my son, but that being a parent was stressful; I feel like I have half as much time to do twice as much stuff. And it's true. My slack time where I'd catch up (evenings and weekends) has been taken up; my responsibilities have increased beyond lesson planning, grading, mowing the lawn, and blogging.

And my responsibilities are always changing. He's eight months old now, almost nine. Which is pretty crazy to think about. things we used to be able to do to occupy him don't work anymore; we've got baby gates up because that little guy (not so little anymore-- 25 pounds!) sure can scoot everywhere. As soon as he sees one is open, he just takes off on a tear across the kitchen, screaming to himself in delight that he's gotten away with it as he crawls for the cat food bowl or the guest bathroom as fast as he can. He has preferences now, and likes and dislikes and joys in a way that just wasn't true even a couple months ago.

On top of this I have to teach four classes (how do high school teachers do what they do? we may never know), and, somewhat optimistically, maintain a research agenda. I wanted to send out a book proposal months ago, and I am way behind schedule! My dream would be to go back on the job market in the fall and see if I can land a tenure-track job somewhere. But to do that I need a slightly better profile than the one I've got.

And add on top on top of all this that we're coming up on two full weeks without a working fridge or air conditioner. Yes, they both failed the same weekend. the joys of home ownership. I know there are places in the country still buried in snow, but try living in Florida in April sans AC. My son has been spending a lot of time just running around in his diaper, and we've been eating a lot of takeout and fast food.

Back when he was born, I wrote that changes kind of sneak up on me. this one still is. I suspect that if you caught me off guard and asked me if I was a dad, I would say "no." Like, it still feels like parenting, even though it's a thing I do, it's not a thing I am. And I know there are ways in which I could be a better father and a better husband, and it will take some time to keep navigating that. So yes I do like being a dad, and in classic Steve fashion I don't like how it has disrupted my routines, but I do know as I read to him and watch him play in the bathtub for over an hour (he is a water-baby) and cuddle his mother that it is worth it.

We'll see if I change my mind once we try to train him to sleep in the crib, though.

* With the exception of holidays, but that's intentional.